Toadstool mandarins are a form of toxic jellyfish whose tentacles are loaded with entheogenic venom. The effects of a mandarin sting are threefold. The first is a sharp stinging sensation; the second a nasty red welt, which may fester if not treated with a salve of toadstool mandarin doodoo. And the third is a bold of self-awareness, thanks to the entheogens in the venom. Having been stung, a victim's typical reaction will be something like: Owww. Zark, that hurts. Then: Oh no. Look at this nasty red welt. I'm in the swimsuit competition later. And finally: What? I'm a latent misogynist with father issues! If a person is allergic to mandarin venom, one sting will prompt total self-awareness, leading to either immediate catatonia or a career as a talk show pundit. . Eoin Colfer
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  1. You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something...
  2. Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.
  3. It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.
  4. If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.
  5. No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.
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